Summer is here and that means fun! Summer is a great opportunity to take short day trips with the kids to museums, waterparks, etc. Some of you brave parents even strap the whole family in the car and drive 14 hours to visit the grandparents. Wherever the destination, a car trip is usually involved to get there. A mother asked me what to do when her six year old started pulling her four year old’s hair in the back seat. Should she pull over and tell her to stop? My answer was, “No.”
Here is why:
Pulling hair is a child’s way of communicating something (albeit the WRONG way of communicating). So, step one is to identify WHAT your child is trying to communicate and model the correct way to
communicate that. For example, if the six year old has the iPad, and the four year old wants it… and pulls the six year old’s hair… Pulling the car over and telling the four year old to stop isn’t going to solve the problem. The best thing to do is just verbally model, “Can I have a turn please?” The four year old must then repeat your sentence. The six year old would then be instructed to give the four year old a turn.
To recap:
When screaming, hair pulling, or other challenging behaviors erupt in the back seat, FIRST try and figure out WHAT the perpetrator is really trying to say and then provide the appropriate phrase to be repeated. Then praise the child for using his/her words – praise a LOT the next time he uses his words on his own!!! Highly reinforcing the RIGHT behavior is the key to reducing the WRONG behavior.
Happy traveling!!