Many people got gym memberships to better their physical health. New Years is a good time to think about ways we can be better in all areas – including being better parents. Here are some thoughts and suggestions of resolutions for 2013 to help make this year one of calm, happiness, and pride for your children, and your family.
- Focus on the POSITIVE and ACKNOWLEDGE it! Instead of waiting for your child to scream and then saying, “Don’t scream” or “Please use an inside voice,” use the “Caught you being good” philosophy and when your child IS talking in an inside voice and using kind words, make a point of saying, “I appreciate when you talk to your sister using kind words. I am proud that when you wanted the blocks you used an inside voice to ask nicely.” The more you reinforce the right behavior, the more it will occur. Inversely, the “wrong” behavior will decrease.
- Foster SELF-CONFIDENCE in your child. The more validation that a child receives, through specific verbal praise, along with other forms of positive reinforcement for appropriate behavior, the better the child will feel about herself. This validation that “I am doing the right thing and someone is proud… leads to “I am proud of myself.”
- Provide STRUCTURE as much as possible. Anxiety (in the general sense – not necessarily a DSM diagnosis) arises from uncertainty. By having routines, the predictability that provides is very calming for children. They know what to expect, what will happen, and what behavior is expected of them. One good way to do this is to make visual routines and write (either pictures or words) the order of events (morning routine, after school routine, night time routine) along with the behaviors that need to be demonstrated during the routine (kind words, listening ears, safe hands). Then, to tie it back to #1, when they complete the steps of the routine with the appropriate behavior, ACKNOWLEDGE it!
- Be as CONSISTENT as possible. It is important for kids to know that parents mean what they say. The way to teach that is to follow through with things you say. That means – PICK YOUR BATTLES. If you are too tired to follow through with helping the kids clean the play room, then don’t say “Clean the play room.” That night, try saying “Everyone pick up five toys,” so that it is a request that you have the energy to follow through with. At the end of the day, the most important lesson for kids to learn is that their parents mean what they say. Then, slowly but surely, kids will listen to you and follow your directions the FIRST time because they know you will follow through.
With these resolutions for 2013, your children will be calmer and happier. And most likely, you will be too! It is never too late to establish new behavioral patterns. Make 2013 a great one!